Monthly Archives: February 2019

Dichotomy

21 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by in General, My Adventures, Touchy-Feely Crap

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I have Olivia and Candice with me. They are my two greatest fears. About a month ago I came up with the idea to give my greatest fears names. I don’t know why the names Candice and Olivia – I just like those names I guess.

See, I have this gut feeling that “fear” is my friend. If I am feeling fear, it is my intuition trying to tell me something. It’s a message. Instinctively, my human nature wants to push fear away, or overcome fear. I spent ten years learning to overcome fears by challenging myself. Pushing fear back or running towards it. I achieved amazing things by doing that – but something (some seed of wisdom deep down in my tummy) tells me that is not the healthiest way to deal with fear. Hence, this my experiment.

Instead of fighting my two biggest fears, I’ve manifested them as real friends in my world by naming them. And whenever I feel their presence, I acknowledge them… even sometimes talk to them. Let’s see how far I get with this 🤦🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️. It just feels right.

Learning to be aware of my emotions, as I’ve explained above, is the most empowering tools that I’ve been gifted with. At the moment I feel very sad about something in my life. However, I also feel curious, excited and moderately nervous about two other things in my life. I feel strong and courageous about the work I am doing. I feel the weight of responsibility because I am determined to do a good job. At same time I’m feeling compassionate towards myself. And I feel loving towards the world in general. Our earth is so beautiful. People are so beautiful. Yes, sometimes people act in ugly ways, but when that happens it’s because they’re hurting inside. I truly believe that human nature is inherently beautiful. So I’m also feeling grateful. I’m also grateful for my amazing minions and my family and friends. A proper medley of emotions. A dichotomous melange.

This is why life is beautiful. The intense fear, the despair and sadness, the curiosity, the excitement, the hope, the courageousness and the gratitude. There, right there…. That is the point of life. To feel it all.

Yeah, I know what you thinking. This woman is nuts 🥜. You might be right. But I don’t care. I love you too!

The art of listening

06 Wednesday Feb 2019

Posted by in Family and Friends, General, Touchy-Feely Crap

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I need to be heard. We all need to be heard. That’s not a selfish thing. It’s something that is as critically vital to good health as the air that we breathe.

These thoughts came about because I had dinner with a very good friend last night. She’s a very close friend too. Dinner was fine, however on my way home I felt a dull unsettled feeling that I just could not shake. When I got home I managed to fall asleep but when I woke up I still felt unsettled. I desperately felt a need to ground myself but I did not know why. I started to meditate.

Meditation is my favoured form of reflection. I meditate, then reflect then meditate some more. I always feel better. It allows me to understand my own feelings and my own behaviour which stems from those feelings. Most importantly, it reminds me to be compassionate and gentle with myself. I see my situation from a clearer, less judgmental perspective.

I realized that I was feeling unsettled because even though my friend and I conversed over dinner, we weren’t listening to each other. I think we both really tried to listen to each other – after-all we really are very good friends. However, there is a great deal going on in her life and equally, there’s a great deal going on in my life too. At present, the issues that we are both dealing with are very different to each other.

I believe that we both weren’t able to fully take in each other’s perspective without the filter of what is going on in our own lives. This doesn’t make us bad friends – we are both only just human. Human beings have a need to be heard. And unfortunately last night we were both not in a position to be ‘the listener’. Listening is an art.

Honestly, I believe that I know how to be a good listener. When my own needs are filled, it’s easy for me to be empathetic, unjudgmental and present. Last night for the most part we both struggled to be empathetic.

In restrospect, had I meditated before dinner it would have probably been a different experience. As I am writing this I feel that I have been ‘heard’ – and I actually didn’t need anyone else to hear me, but me.

Because my own needs have been taken care of, right now I am feeling more relaxed, less critical, more open and receptive. And those are the vital constituents required for the art of listening.