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Dear Brain

Gosh, I’ll start by saying how grateful I am to you. Not only very grateful, I love you. You amaze me all the time with your ability to remember stuff that would seem impossible to remember. You do snapshot comparisons, you contrast and you detect similarities between issues so incredibly quickly. A master at logic you are. That is your function and you do it so very very well. I bow before you.

You have kept me safe. You have gotten me positions and jobs because people have seen how well you work. You are such a very important part of me. But Brain, my dear Brain, I honestly must tell you are a bit of a speed freak. And because you sometimes go so fast you mistakes. Not often, but sometimes when you make a mistake it’s a big one, sometimes with severe consequences.

But Brain, don’t feel bad. I’m not telling you this to upset you. We both know how important you are. I’m telling you this because I have some good news. The news is that you can take a break. You don’t have to work so hard all the time. You have a twin sister. Her name is Heart. She’s here to help you.

You and Heart both have the same intention. She also looks after me and I love her too just like I love you. She’s not as quick to react as you are but she is also very very good at her job. She is more sure of herself and more consistent than what you are, even though she allows you override her often – because she is not as insistent or loud as you are.

Heart is funny too, just like you are. After all, She’s your twin! She mirrors your personality but in a softer way. So don’t worry, she’ll keep us entertained with her antics too. Letting her take over is not a threat to us and don’t be deceived – she’s not a weak as she looks like.

Brain, tonight I can feel you are stressed. Again, the world has put lots of items on your to-do list plus there’s a lot of other things going on around us. But don’t worry Brain. I’m here tonight to tell you that it’s ok for you to let Heart take over for a while. It’s more than ok – because you my dear Brain actually are in need of a rest now. You’re going at 180km/hr now and our whole body is feeling it. We’re feeling a bit shaky and wobbly. You are exhausting us. Let’s give the wheel to your sister, Heart. You take a rest now.

Let’s not worry about sharing the power with her dear Brain. You won’t be completely gone, just in the background for now. And let’s trust her (Heart that is) especially when she says, it really doesn’t matter a darn stitch what is going on around outside of us. We know that you my dear Brain have been trying to control all the negative outside of us, to stop it from hurting us, but tonight she has a very valid point.

Screw the negative outside of us Brain. Hand the wheel over to her and let her stabilize us from the inside. Then no matter what negative is happening on the outside we can go on doing what we all, as whole want to, need to and are meant to do.

Take a rest. Let go. She’s got this.

 

Sunday night tunes…

Rosy and glowing after lovely weekend. A melange of friends, family and fun (little bit of training, fair amount of beer, lots of laughter, a spa treatment and just proper connected time with important peeps, a teeny bit of work too). Energised and ready to slay this week…. And ending it off with the perfect Sunday night tune to wind up my perfect weekend.

Happiness everyone….. Let’s rock this week

I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
Cause we don’t want your broken parts
I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars (not!)
Run away, they say
No one’ll love you as you are
But I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away ’cause today, I won’t let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that’s what we’ve become (yeah, that’s what we’ve become)
I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
This is me
and I know that I deserve your love
(Oh-oh-oh-oh) ’cause there’s nothing I’m not worthy of
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come (look out ’cause here I come)
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I’m gonna send a flood
Gonna drown them out
Oh Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
This is me

 

Songwriters: Justin Paul / Benj Pasek
This Is Me lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

#RacismMustFall

I am a fallible human being and my opinions are just my opinions. I fully trust my heart though and this morning, both my heart and my mind are in coherence after I read this article on News24: https://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/dont-be-scared-of-the-land-debate-malema-tells-whites-20180728

This situation that the majority of ordinary South Africans are tolerating is not only nonsense but it is highly dangerous! I think it’s time we start collectively holding our leaders accountable.

Julius Malema is an outright racist. And he isn’t afraid because we are giving him permission to be a racist. So we are also accountable. Nothing good has ever come or will come from labeling people – and he does that all the time, to gain popularity from the majority vote. He constantly reminds us South Africans of our racial difference to gain popularity for his political cause and gain.

I ask myself what tangible good thing has Julius done for South Africa? Anything anyone? One little thing? I can’t think of anything.

He stirs, using racist arguments all the time. He is very intelligent and he is dangerous. He manipulates. He knows precisely what to say to get an emotional response and he uses this outcome (or support) to further his own objectives.

Good South Africans – do we really see parallel planes in what Julius wants to do for our country and what Madiba did? I don’t. I don’t see someone that wants to build our country or is genuinely interested in the wellbeing of all our people.

I see an angry, bitter and fiercely intelligent man who has a destructive agenda. I see someone who fuels division in the country along racial lines with hate speech under the guise of wanting to relieve the suffering of the people. I don’t see someone who really cares about the people. Anyone seen him visit an old age home or a school? Raise funds for cancer or aids research maybe? A bursary for an underprivileged kid maybe? Nada… He only cares about himself and his own political agenda. He is only interested in ‘getting back’ at the ANC for mistreating him. The media gives him airtime and then he uses the unhappiness of the unfairly treated majority to openly pick on the minority. Hey…. Wasn’t there a guy in Germany in the 1940s who did the same?….

Let’s not label each other by the colour of our skins. We’ve come through too much South Africans to allow anyone to trick us into believing that is ok again to be racist. It’s not ok. It will never be ok. In our history, there are thousands who sacrificed their lives or spent years in prison in the fight against racism – Thousands paid the price – let us not forget that. What is happening now is Julius has come in an is undermining all that sacrifice by telling people that racism is ok. It’s not really racism if it Black against White this time is it, no?

Let us not be blind and let us build. What are our values? What do we value? …. Equality? – yes. Education? – yes. Decent living conditions for all South Africans? – hell yes.

South Africans let us be mindful of this – mindful of what our good core values are and let us not allow any person to use us by impressing their personal agendas on us, thereby eroding our core values. We have a beautiful country and beautiful people of all different races in our country which is precisely what makes us beautiful. This is our strength. That is the South Africa I want for my children. Let’s say an unequivocal NO to hate.

#RacismMustFall

#I❤️CPUT

What an insane week. 🤪 Third post 🤯 Happy, sad, exciting, scary, empowering. A proper roller coaster of highs and low. Not gonna write about it all because firstly no one really cares but secondly who got da time for dat?!

ICEL conference. Presented my paper and poster. Met new people, made new connections and reinforced established ones.

Very significantly was reintroduced to a research methodology Prof Garraway mentioned to me three years ago!….. but only now I see its value to the PhD I’ve undertaken.

Activity theory.

I probably make sense to no one but me now. Anyway. I’m feeling energized. Let’s do this. Let’s go on. NFR rating anyone?

I ❤️ CPUT

Dr Basitere…. chasing your tail #JustSaying. Eng Faculty Rocks

Beautiful Daniela…. truly one of my giants – allows me to stand on her shoulders

Bronwyn 4.0

Guilty, ashamed, embarrassed because I don’t have a boyfriend. Common sense in 2018 says that is absolutely ridiculous – but my reality is my reality.

To even type that makes me cringe, but also causes a lump to form in my throat and water to well up in my eyes. To face my truth is the path to growth and more than wanting a boyfriend, I want to, need to grow.

See life is good for me. Really good in fact. I have two healthy, loving and quirky kids. My minions are a constant stable source of joy and inspiration.

I have a promising career that is on an upward trajectory.

I have a great family. Supportive and loving.

I have a super set of friends. Funky, cool, supportive and genuine. And even besides my friends just in general, I am well liked and very popular with many people for just being authentically me.

There are probably some people who don’t like me, but I’m really not bothered by them. I am not destructive… those that don’t like me most likely don’t like me because they are insecure. And that doesn’t even matter to me. I really don’t need everyone to like me to be happy.

So I am happy most of the time because I am purposeful and loving.

So then Bronwyn why are you unhappy other times….. the single biggest reason is because I am single. Truth. Ugly embarrassing truth especially given all the beautiful things that I’ve just said about myself above.

And my nature, my core, my heart tells me …. you know what Bronwyn, unhappiness sucks. I don’t want to be unhappy. What can we do to stop being unhappy those times that we are, she asks herself.

After much meditation 🧘🏾‍♀️ I started believing unhappiness doesn’t go away by trying to replace it with a source of happiness.

I need to start a movement in my heart and mind by letting go of my unhappiness first. Softening to the emotions causing unhappiness. (Emotions = the overwhelming feeling of sadness materializes occasionally when I’m alone, that is also the symptom of my unhappiness) Once I’ve softened and stopped resisting them, I can then see the root cause. (First I thought the root cause was just loneliness, but with deeper guided meditation I considered all other possibilities, and the truth is I am ashamed of my single status).

This is interesting and slightly weird because a while ago I realized and fully accepted that I am not single because I’m flawed or broken. There is nothing “wrong” with me. I just am because I am. I also actively work towards loving and looking after myself – fulfilling my own needs. Treating myself with tenderness. And I also realized that single people are discriminated against. So I thought that I was in fact being wary and mindful of not accepting labels.

But an incident that happened this week permitted me to realize that despite my common sense, despite my personal growth and knowing what is logical and what is right, I still carry residual shame and embarrassment for being single.

A colleague labeled me as ‘single’ this week. Instinctively I wanted to tell the woman to fuck off. It was a big deal for me. Hhhhhhmmmm trigger much ….yeah it was. Instead of getting cross I should have actually just politely asked her “Why is it so important to you to refer to me as ‘single’ so completely out of context?”. But I didn’t, I just quietly got pissed off and in my own mind I labeled her as stupid. Tit for tatt…. gosh am I really 40 years old already?

I did that because I’m sensitive. But the truth is I am not going to change the way that the world thinks. I am not going to change the way that society was conditioned… the very way that I’ve been conditioned. In October last year I realized the reason for me having a rebound relationship last year and the year before was because of a misaligned value due to this very conditioning. Even though I worked towards changing the actual value I never realized that I have to work towards not feeling ashamed too! That just wasn’t common sense to me. I fixed one impact of that conditioning. It never occurred to me that there were other impacts too. And I just discovered another one.

So now, after all this analysis it’s time to let go. I’ve admitted my feelings and I’ve not judged myself. Comforted myself, now I must let go of what no longer serves me. And I want to accept what is because damnit I don’t have energy for any more unhappiness. I feel like smiling. My heart wants to beat strong.

So this is what I’ll do. And then, flowing along with the current of this river of life who knows what next uh, who knows 😁