The Bella-rina and the Oreo biscuit

These two beauties make my heart so happy ☝🏾❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Love lives here

There is no virtue higher than love.

There is no treasure higher than love.

There is no knowledge higher than love.

There is no dharma higher than love.

There is no religion higher than love because love is the highest power and the highest power is love.

Love purifies. Love transmutes. Love redeems. Love subdues. Therefore kindle the light of love in your heart (Stressfit 2018)

PhD matters

So this blog came about as a reflective tool for my PhD journey. Although I love ‘the extended life’ this blog has taken on, it is however only fitting that I periodically reflect specifically on PhD matters.

So last week I finished my final data collection for my PhD. ….. Moment

Last year I blogged about what a humbling and excruciatingly painful exercise it was to collect my quantitative data (questionnaire data). Some organizations (people in organizations I approached) were nice to me but mostly organizations didn’t have time for me, some came across as annoyed at me for bugging them, dismissed me, others ignored me and some were just plain rude to me. I accepted this was part of my journey, also part of the colossal growth curve and maturation I experienced last year. Life’s lesson to me – be compassionate Bronwyn.

Last year taught me to be compassionate, importantly, to myself first and then have the same compassion with others.

So anyway after getting through that, eventually getting some data then analyzing it, then designing a conceptual model from the results, it was time to do part two of my data collection. Part two was to present the model to selected knowledge expert i.e. the Heads of Quality Departments in three strategically located pharmaceutical organizations in South Africa and obtain their opinion on it. I finished transcribing the last interview data last night and earlier tonight I started doing thematic analysis on my interview data using ATLASti.

Now it occurred to me that I could potentially feel stressed about this – after all I have a deadline for the end of this month that I bloody know I’m not gonna make. I could also be worried because I’ve never done qualitative data analysis for a project this big and this important on my own before #NewExperience. My body instinctively starts to go tense at the thought of everything that is wrong and could go even more wrong.

And then a little voice from my heart spoke to me and reminded me “Bronwyn….. this is what you wanted, this experience is what your worked for and prepared for this is it! Where is the logic in being stressed out about a situation which seemed like a dream come true a few years ago?

I exhaled. Yes.

I must enjoy this moment. This is my journey. It is not easy but I am grateful. Tonight I feel very loved and supported. The universe is in my favour. I am in my favour. It’s time to finish what I started.

Bad Moms

So during the week in passing conversation with my minions, we were joking about just what a bad mom I am. My youngest minion reminded me of the day that she had an open wound and I didn’t have Dettol (antiseptic) to clean it – so I used tequila to disinfect her wound.

Admittedly I pulled a couple of weird stunts like, that so every now and then my minions ‘pretend moan’ to each other about me – but I somehow get the idea that they secretly love having a ‘Bad Mom’.

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Their dad is a whole lot more uptight and so when they are with me, they joke about how the roles should be reversed …since I am the ‘mom’ after-all. I have heard them telling their friends in a fake looking for sympathy kind of way about stuff I have done, have not done or have put them through.

These include:

  • Me regularly threatening to sell them on eBay
  • Having a planned ‘bunk school’ day with them as a reward for studying for their exams … Bribery is the key to successful parenting
  • I taught them how to gamble by teaching them to play klawerjas – a trick taking card game. We would play poker chips if they ran out of pocket money, but they better than what I am – so I’m the one always running out of money
  • Me forgetting it was my daughter’s sports day and went hiking up Lion’s Head. Just a few meters from summit my son sent me a picture of her crossing the finish line 🤦🏾‍♀️
  • We went on a family trip to Knysna and I took them with me into a pub. (The context being the whole family went to the pub for a meal – but still they love telling their friends “Mom took us to the pub”)
  • Every now and then I feed them two minute noodles for dinner (note: only when I know that my own mother isn’t coming to visit – because then I would be in trouble!). I personally skip dinner in lieu of work from time to time, and then I tell them to help themselves to two minute noodles if they can find any. They moan about it – but I know they secretly love it…. much rather prefer two minute noodles to veggies
  • I got them up early one Sunday morning to take them to an artsy film at an indi cinema. As we were walking to the cinema my daughter was incessantly moaning about being forced to wake up so early. So my son says to her “Sister, be grateful that our mom is a bad mom – things could be worse, you could have been woken up early on a Sunday to go to church”

So I am a bad mom. I might be the worst mom. I send them to school with creased clothes and unbrushed hair – but I make sure their homework is done. In fact always I do homework and school projects with them.

I don’t care what my kids look like. I do care very much that I teach them how to love and look after themselves.

When I decided to have kids, it wasn’t the plan to raise them as a single mom, but plans change, and that’s just how life worked out for us. And you know what, that’s perfectly fine. My house is a frequently in a mess and my wallet is regularly empty, but my heart….. yes my heart is over the top brimming FULL.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the good moms and also to all my fellow bad moms out there 🌻🌹❤️

An executive decision

I found you again.

But there are times when I have to make an executive decision. The benefit of the whole is better than the benefit of the pair. And yes, it is a beautiful pair.

For the past year I have worn two mismatched earrings as a pair. Just because. I thought I lost both their couplings.

But tonight I found the mate of one of those earrings. I know where I lost the mate of the other earring – at the CHEC course, that inspired this blog. There is no way I’ll find it again.

With that info I know what I have to do.

I will never wear the two matching ones at a set again. Ever.

Because for the benefit of the whole it’s just not right.

It’s an executive decision.

Infinity War …. whaaaaat?

I dunno how I feel….

img_6736Really, I really dunno how I feel.

I friggen have no friggen idea how I’m supposed to feel. Should I marvel (every pun intended) at the artistic mastery? ….or should I cry because something disastrous just happened to my family. We loved Civil War. But This…. oh good heavens 😭😭😭

And NO, I am not being over dramatic. My minions and I are great Marvel fans…. because of my son, who is the truly the greatest Spider-Man fan that I know (since he was a wee babe).

I dunno how I feel…..

Oh I dunno how I feel.

Don’t watch it. No Wait …do watch it. Don’t … Do. I need counseling, or tissues. Or a triple shot of whiskey.

I dunno how I feel.