Happy 2023 everyone. My wish to you: May this year be whatever you want it to be for you 💖

I’m not sure what I want this year to be for me. I’ve been thinking a lot about a mediation I did a few years ago where I first visualized myself alone, then myself in my room, then in my house with others, then on my road with all the people that stay on the road, then in my suburb, then my city, then my province. Then everyone in South Africa, then everyone in Africa, and then everyone in the world. There are 8 billion of us. Whatever is going on in my life is important to me, but in the greater scheme, even though it is important, how significant is it really?

This reminds me of a quote from my favourite movie Casa Blanca when Rick says to Ilsa “I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you’ll understand that. Now, now. Here’s looking at you, kid.

Simply a hill of beans

Thinking about life from this perspective helps keep me grounded and my ego in check. All I need to do is breathe and take one step after another. 2023 will do what 2023 wants to do for me.

I started slowly working again on Monday. Ouch, it’s difficult getting back into it, but I’ve made a start. I’ve also started with a sort of spiritual cleanse, and I’ll be following a sort of vegan diet (no meat, dairy, sugar, alcohol or processed food) for the next three weeks. It feels right. I expect nothing of this year, and I’ve set my only intention to just be present and show up for myself.

I was invited to a job interview at UCT, and I decided to respectfully decline. I need to catch up with everything else before I start anything new. Last year I just came limping in over the finish line. I would rather start slowly, but confidently this year.

Finally, I flipping shaved my head again! I was so bloody hung up (still am) on the fact that I lost my lovely long salt and pepper locks. As chemo was ending, I desperately tried growing them back again. My hair started growing but mostly on the back and side leaving me with a balder patch on top. And then my last remaining eyebrows and eyelashes fell off, and I realized I just looked plain ridiculous trying to hold onto straws. So I decided, bugger that, I’m shaving it all off again. I’ll keep on shaving until it grows back more evenly- if it ever does! And it felt good. It’s for sure not my ideal look, definitely not what I wanted, but I positively feel like I am more in control again. Yes, kids, nothing but a hill of beans 🫘