I had a vague idea that my next post should be funny and light-hearted to keep my blog balanced. Imitating real life though, certain things are just not worth the effort of trying to control. Thus when I feel that I’ve just had a profound thought about something and then suddenly feel compelled to express my opinion to the cosmos, I think “Bugger it, Let’s just do it”. This morning I’m feeling particularly partial to the topic of ‘mixed feelings’.
In an endevour to keep a balance though, I shall first ask….. Can you spot the faux collectible?
Back to mixed feelings, if you been following my blog in last seven months, it’s apparent I’ve written a fair amount about dealing with emotions. Emotional Agility (credit Dr Susan David) means not to shy away from the range of emotions one naturally experiences. Each feeling or emotion is a message (information) and we use that information to make a decision.
My own most recent experience is an unrelenting wave of mixed feelings or emotions. Although it’s not the first time in my life I’ve had such strong mixed feelings, it is the first time that I’ve had such strong mixed feelings since I’ve become aware of Emotional Agility.
Mixed feelings are two, but sometimes three or four contrasting emotions that present themselves simultaneously. The inner conflict it causes is utterly exhausting. For a day or two it just overwhelmed me and I tried ignoring it (#OldHabitsDieHard). Fortunately, some common sense prevailed and I realized these are just emotions identical to others. To get rid of any unwanted emotions, I need to process them one by one.
This all fine, however strikingly, this set of mixed emotions is particularly persistent and strong. Thus I sought some additional help to try to understand what these very intense mixed emotions (due to a current life situation) mean.
I found an amazing article that unpacked it
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/do_mixed_emotions_make_life_more_meaningful#thank-influence
Three main thoughts emerged for me:
Thought 1: Each emotion has a message. When contrasting emotions appear together, their messages highlight conflicting goals or core values that are competing for priority. Complete Ah ha moment – makes perfect sense! Immediately upon recognizing this (and identifying these conflicting goals) the tension in my back dissipated and butterflies in my tummy settled. I’m smart enough to know my mixed emotions are telling me “Bronwyn just decide damnit! One goal must take priority- don’t forget this, lest you will feel emotionally drained all the time. But be kind to yourself. Both goals are important to you, yes…. but choose one. Do not berate yourself. But also be logical and practical and trust the universe. It knows what it is doing. Just do your thing, It will do it’s thing, and all will be well”.
Thought 2: Mixed emotions are healthy. They help us cope with stress and adversity. Think about when you’ve had a bereavement – as a family when you get together – despite your sadness and you laugh about anecdotes of the person who passed. Losing my grandmother, who was a mother to me was the worst thing in the world. Although I was an adult, 25 already, I genuinely literally believed that the moment she took her last breathe the sun just had to stop shining. But that flipping darn defiant sun didn’t stop shining! Not that day. Or the next. Or the next. And it just kept rising again and again in the days and weeks thereafter. My greatest source of strength and comfort in that time was reminiscing with my family and laughing about all the funny things that my grandmother always said and did. That whole experience took my fear of death away. I’ll never be scared of death again. Mixed emotions made me more resilient.
Thought 3: Mixed feelings help people construct ‘meaning’ and ‘purpose’ in life. If you are brave enough to make an attempt at understanding the source of your mixed feelings, then you will be able to identify those conflicting goals or values. In most cases people make a decision one way or the other. You will choose whatever options is more attractive to you, or practical to you. I think about when I changed jobs. There was job security with my old and familiar job being a Veterinary Technologist. When I resigned that to start working for myself as a free lance editor and part time lecturer I had mixed feelings. But I chose leave old job for the new job because I wanted to improve my life circumstances. I did this in a more resolute manner because I had mixed feelings. Soul searching triggered by some mixed feelings advances one’s purpose in life. (Not all mixed feelings triggers soul searching though – I’m not likely to search my soul after I decide I need to attend a PTA meeting instead of getting drinks with my friends but for certain significant events it has the potential to get you to take stock of life).
So the bottom line for me is Bronwyn stop jabbering in this blog and get on with what needs to be done ✅ 😄
Laters alligators 🦋❤️🌺🌻🌈🤦🏾♀️😍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🤷🏾♀️🤸🏾♂️💜🌼🌸😳🐥🐛🦄🐝🌎💘🐞🐣🔥💧💚⛄️🍒🍋🍔🍕🍭💛🥂🎼🎷🎈🧡📚📝🤓💝💓💗💖💕
Really, I really dunno how I feel.
Bronwyn Swartz 