I have twenty minutes – maybe less to write this. I’m currently on a flight from CT to Joburg. We’re in the fasten seat belt mode at the end of our flight. There’s so much that I probably should have blogged about sooner. I literally have so many draft posts – maybe 15 of them, that I simply haven’t finished.

Let me start with I want to blog more. I want to do what I enjoy. I absolutely love writing. I want to write (and read) for me again. And the enjoyment of reading and writing.

The second thing I wish to share is that – for now – being in academia feels like being in a dog and pony show to me. We put up a show and a dance for our funders. Whether it’s the National Research Funders (NRF), or the university funders, or industry or our professional bodies. I’m so sick and tired of this crap. I’m going to probably get into big trouble because I wrote this but this is honestly how I feel.

Significantly (for me that is), I was recently offered a position: Associate Professor at the University of Johannesburg (I take a little bow here – UJ is truly doing the things- they’re the number 1 in research in South Africa at the moment) and I am privileged to have been offered this position.

But then moving on to my next point – point number 3 – to me this signifies that I have reached my goal. This is the goal I’ve been working toward for the past few years – perhaps decade? Ego aside – or maybe ego not aside – I was offered a professorship before the age of 50 – keeping in mind that I only had a National Diploma in 2010. I am proud. I am grateful.

Yet, I’m tired of the rat race, of how toxic it feels. Although I want to make a difference, I feel more of a yearning to go to my nephew’s concerts without worrying about stupid funding calls and marking (whether it’s undergrad or postgrad work – I have deadlines for both at the moment).

Life comes and goes. Ebbs and flows. We have it in cycles like the ocean tides. It’s high tide or low tide always. And the point is it never stays high tide, just like it never stays low tide. I keep reminding myself that whatever the hell I am feeling now is temporary.

And at the moment my Mac is broken. My Windows laptop also gave up the ghost this morning – (like what the heff) and I have deadlines coming out of my ears. The universe telling me to recalibrate perhaps? And in the greater scheme of things no one really cares anyway – everyone has got stuff going on. Everyone! Missing a deadline means lost time and money for me. But so be it. The truth is no one really cares – and even if they did, one person’s opinion is simply that. No more or no less.

The only opinion that should matter to me is mine. Eish, why am I so quick to always forget this.