So I had a bit of a heavy heart. Not only heavy … I had a very turbulent heart in December, with ups and downs and much uncertainty. Then in January 2020, the walls came crashing down. And I don’t blog when life feels too heavy, see my blog is a permanent record since I never delete anything – I also prefer not to write about all the nonsense that is going on in my head. However, I am surely pleased to report that as always, the sun has once again emerged from behind dark clouds, and I am simply loving the world and everything (and everyone) in it again. And I am feeling it loving me back 💕💕💕.
One on my strategies to overcome the ‘dark times’ is to consciously make an effort to remember the things that I’m grateful for. This actually started way back in 2014, when I was at one of my lowest moments – an unemployed divorcee, mother of two and the only income in my household (plus my longterm boyfriend and I had just broken up). Life looked glum #Understatement. It was pretty darn downright suckish, but in an attempt to do my best to just keep the lights burning in my house, keep my faith and maintain my sanity, I tried writing a gratitude list.
Regardless of my seemingly grim situation there was still so much then that I could be thankful for… my health (I had just gotten successful treatment for a cancer scare – stage 3 pre-cancer lesions), my beautiful minions, my parents, my brothers, my friends…. See A grateful heart
I printed it, framed it and I still keep it on my desk as a reminder of how far I’ve come since those days.
In the months that followed, through only what I can describe as devine grace, I somehow landed my then dream job (through the referral of a friend), which then put me in a position to land my now dream job…. fast forward a few years, I’ve come to the conclusion that making an effort to feel grateful is the best medicine to heal a broken or battered and tired heart.
I know it’s not always easy to feel grateful, especially when your world is falling apart and every moment feels like a struggle. There were days that I could not think of a single damn thing to be happy or grateful about. Those were the days when keeping a journal helped. Even if I did not feel particularly grateful, I wrote about my feelings, acknowledging my pain, but also just writing down at least one thing that I was grateful for.
With practice, today it’s a whole lot easier to feel grateful and joyful. I have so much gratitude for the universe and source. Without much effort, a ton of things spring to mind… I’m very grateful for my health, I am grateful for my beautiful children, grateful for our house albeit in a fairly poor suburb, it’s home to me, my children and two cats. I’m grateful for our car – we have reliable transport. I am grateful, so so very grateful for my parents who are actively involved in our lives. Grateful for my brothers, their wives and Nana. Grateful for my late grandmother, late grandfather and Robin for teaching me how to love all people unconditionally. Even when I don’t approve of someone’s behaviour, I can certainly still love them. I’m grateful to the source for all my friends, colleagues, and extended family for teaching me so many important lessons. I am grateful for the community around me for their support which I often take for granted and also very importantly, I am so grateful for my job. My job is a tremendous source of joy and satisfaction, and I’m even more grateful for all my students who undoubtedly inspire me on a daily basis.
Then tonight… it dawned on me, there’s yet one more thing (rather.. one more little person) that I am grateful for, and that is my little nephew, who is currently still growing fingers and toes in his mommy’s tummy so that he can play with Aunty Bronnie.
Gosh, I almost can’t wait to have proper camp outs in a tent with marshmallows and torches in my lounge with him, like I did with my own children when they a little bit younger (ok… a whole lot me younger). Be warned World, watch your crayons 🖍🖍🖍, because my little nephew and I will be an invincible force that will usurp all your crayons. We will be a super hero power team on a super “top secret mission” to draw pictures on his dad’s walls. And although I will promise his dad and mom 🤞🏾that he will eat all his vegetables when he is at a sleepover at my house, we will do no such thing! Instead, we will have oreos and chocolates and pringles and soda (bwahahahaha ahahahahah) and watch Dora the Explora and Paw Patrol on Netflix. We will have so much fun!
My meditation teachers tell me to live in the present …. yes I know, but I am excited. So super super very excited to meet this little boy… I’m only human