And yet the universe gives us just what we need, when we need it…. this morning at just the right moment it was a message and then a call from a good friend and colleague. Thank you Cheryl Colleen Belford for suddenly appearing out of nowhere and sharing your energy with me. I have no words for how in awe I am that things just work out. They just always do. Like Roberto Jones says, the universe has a way of self-correcting, auto-correcting.
There’s a part of me that is saying, “Bronwyn you don’t have the time to blog with your to-do list that’s half the length of the great wall of China! What are you thinking? Get back to your work.” But choosing to blog now, instead of responding to anyone else’s requests of me is an act of self-care. Something Cher reminded me of this morning was a paper that we wrote in 2017 called “The ethics of care”. In that paper, we reflected on different aspects that make up ‘what it is to care’, however the focus of that paper was on caring for our students. Peer-reviewed and published in a DHET accredited journal, so one would think that I know something about care, but clearly I don’t know about all kinds of care. I suck at self-care.
If I was looking for someone to blame, I’d have no one to blame but me. But this isn’t about trying to blame anyone. I know that it’s never too late to learn (again), and to start again. And look this year has been amazing – looking back I literally cannot believe how productive I’ve been. A double teaching load, developed a new course for the Advanced Diploma Quality, developing notes from scratch and doing weekly recordings for asynchronous lessons, developed a new Master in Engineering Management degree, Faculty representative duties for the national doctoral audit that just happened, three papers accepted for publication so far, one masters student graduating and I’m doing a short course called Strengthening Postgraduate Supervision (aside from me also being the Postgraduate Research Coordinator in my department and Teaching and Learning representative for my department). It’s been real. It’s been rewarding to see some of my efforts come to fruition ….however this is it. I can’t anymore. I have two big deadlines for the end of next week and a ton of marking still to do. I need to give my Master’s students attention and this is all just still work. I have family and friends responsibilities too.
I’m telling myself I haven’t dropped the ball (yet), although it seems imminent. Still juggling, albeit precariously. But actually I have dropped it. I dropped me.
Time to do a turn-around. Time to recalibrate and start again.
Breathe, relax, close my eyes and listen to the birds chirping and feel my muscles relax…. I am one with the universe. One consciousness. Something inside so strong