Hands raised waving a white flag, with sincerity I apologise with genuine child-like humility if the title line annoys or even infuriates anyone.  And I’m the first to admit, that I am most probably just not cultured enough to appreciate the beauty of poetry. One day when I’m big, then maybe I’ll be cultured…

My very question stems from me quizzing myself and I am wondering, What is it that I’m missing? More than that, Why am I missing it?

I absolutely love words, make no mistake. I love playing with words, I love the sound of different words and different word combinations. I’ve always loved reading and it’s somewhat sad for me that I never read for the pleasure of just reading anymore. Nowadays, whenever I read, (and I still read a lot), it is always related to work or studies. I am fortunate though, because due to the fact that I love reading, by implication I love my work.

So could the reason why I’m anti-poetry…(holly har did I say “anti-poetry”?) be because of a boy who once invited me to a poetry reading? I completely fell for the idea and for him! But by the end of my getting to know him, it left me feeling it was a just a mere facade that some guys will use to win girls over. Far-fetched maybe?..possibly?, Maybe. On many other occasions I have tried getting into poetry, but I just don’t get it.

So yesterday my friend tells me he writes poetry and I start thinking about this whole situation. Me thinks, I love listening to the lyrics of songs, and isn’t that a form of poetry? Probably right hey… Maybe I need a musical backdrop to appreciate poetry? Naaah, I think more likely the truth is probably I’m a lost cause.

Then I remember, that funny enough there is just one poem that absolutely love

 Krisis — deur Elizabeth Eybers:

Dis hier waar ons twee skei
— jy hart en ek,
albei tot afskeid so onvoorbereid.

Die weg was lieflik waarlangs jy gelei‘t maar dis verby,
al staar jy terug.
Nou strek die pad langs klowe, afgrond en moeras.

Voortvarend en ’n lafaard soos altyd
en nooit in staat tot enige besluit,
en siek daarby, is jy nou net ’n las

Jy was die gas en gasheer by die fees,
die seremoniemeester en die nar:
jou dwase raad kan net die hoof verwar
waar elke tree die laaste tree mag wees
kyk, dit word laat, die kermis is verby,
kan jy dit nie begryp? Hier moet ons skei.

So when I read the words now again after so many years, I still remember exactly why I just love this poem! I love it because I relate to it completely. I know how the author feels. I think I know EXACTLY how this lady felt. I’ve been there before, and at a point where I literally wanted a surgical heart removal, because I allowed my stupid heart to dictate my actions when the should have let my head dictate the way. We live and we learn, literally.

So I suppose that’s the key. I also suppose that’s why I love music. The melody catches my attention, the it’s the words that keeps my attention and affection. Maybe it’s just a simple matter of me not yet finding the right poetry bundle, or the certain author that I relate to. But enough, maybe some day, one day……when I’m big, I’ll be cultured. Moving along.

So this morning I met with my M. Tech students for a work session. Those two ladies inspire me. Such a pleasure to work with them…and on that thought I think I should start working on my own proposal again.

Till then, later alligator

The 4 P’s that made up my weekend. I’ll start from the last and work my way to the first.

On the Parenting front had a fantastic weekend with my minions. Tonight ended on a “growing pain” kinda note, because Josh and I need to finalise his science project and we were not happy with each other at all! It’s not a major calamity in the greater scheme of things, but as I go through the motions of trying to explain how he must write the results of his project in scientific style, I can see that light just did not go on. He just does not YET understand it. He will – sooner or later. But until then we just have to persevere. At the same time, I relate to my little (not so little anymore actually) boy. I’m also a student. Having been a student for many years now, I’ve come to realise that that is part of the journey, the “not-knowing” stage. It’s horrible, because how are you supposed to know something if you just don’t know! And there is just no way to learn anything new without “putting yourself out there”. You need to expose yourself in order to learn something new, and ultimately become a master at what you are doing. Being a master is great, but that whole process is Painful. So while at that very instant when I know I have to be stern, therefore I speak harshly to my son, silently in my heart I salute him because he didn’t give up.

Regarding the Proposal, some progress has been made. Focusing on research design now. This part I’ll call the fiction writing, because heck I have no idea what I am doing (see, I genuinely relate to Josh!). I know my Prof is gonna blast me on this latest literary composition, but at least this time unlike Masters, my skin is hopefully just a little bit thicker…hopefully – famous last words before the waterworks follow. But look, we’ll see. In the meantime, I’ll continue writing a lovely fantasy novel about Design Based Research and trying to figure out how on earth am I gonna find the answers to the questions that I put to myself as the research questions using this Design Based Research Stuff. Maybe if I don’t get a degree for my work, possibly, maybe I could get an Ingrid Jonker Prize for Fiction Writing.

And so my Plant collection has also grown this weekend, bought a few more pots for the floral paradise called my patio. Oh Heavens, I just love my pretty flowers. They make me sooooo happy:) Also went to Kirstenbosch the weekend, did the Skywalk Boomslang thing, more flowers and plants….Absolutely Beaureeful!!

And then finally Painting. One of my amazing brothers gave me a wooden herb box that he made. Not a normal square or rectangular box – a beautiful piece of hand-crafted carpentry. See picture. I’m probably going to use it for flowers and not herbs. Because it will live outside, I thought it needed a lick of varnish, which is how I passed some time today. The result was immensely gratifying. But now for the difficult task of deciding herbs… or flowers or both, or something else completely. And Thank you Robin for adding to my indecisiveness with your wonderful suggestion of strawberries even possibly…oh decisions decisions

Heya peeps, So that was a long unexpected break. 8 months, in which time I got married and got knocked up. Just kidding. No such luck. Even though loads has happened in the time, I honestly just don’t feel like retelling the past, so I’m going to go on from today:) And today I’m going to share one fact only – My proposal is officially due on the 25th May. That’s about a month from now Let’s do this!

Except I don’t really mean oops.  I won’t apologise.  It’s a few hours to deadline and I must submit something before tomorrow.  And I’ve only just started reading on Data Analysis, Validity, Ethics and Budget and Timeline.  In fact a few minutes ago I would not have been able to give you those subheadings because I didn’t know what I was supposed to write about.

The past week has been so busy.  I truthfully had no time to read up on them, so I won’t feel guilty.

I’m on the final contact session of my editing course too – and I believe we’re writing a test tomorrow.  But I’m also just not gonna study.  I guess it’s about priorities and then it’s also about what is practically possible.  The extra editing course was very expensive – R5000, but I’m shooting in the dark trying to study for that test anyway.  I’m not a language undergrad.

The CHEC course was less expensive, but the value and my interest level is more…..personal priority.  At the same time, there are certain things (information) that I just don’t have access to at this stage, so even finishing the CHEC proposal seems to be uncertain but I forge ahead anyway.

Travelling home today I reflected a bit about the goals I’ve inadvertently set.  It mirrors real life. My feeling is in real life we keep chasing that first high – that first time we experienced happiness for whatever reason.  However I’m starting to suspect you never ever really hit that high again – instead you just keep challenging yourself to greater feats. Because you’ve already accomplished something, so you set your goal posts higher without even thinking that what you now aiming for is even beyond what you first thought was impossible.  That’s what I did.  A few years ago I was ‘nothing more that a mother’ – that in itself is something to be so grateful for.  Then things happened and I felt the need to start studying again.  At the time, I thought it was impossible to be a mother (single mother mind you) and a student.  But I nailed it.  Then I took on a second job……and now I’m trying to balance being a single working mom, with a second job and being a student.  It’s crazy.  Seeing my words in black and white makes me realise it’s crazy.  In addition I’m running an odd half marathon here and there too.  I’m going to need to take stock sometime……just not now.  Because now I need to finish what I started.  Oh blow it, and bring it.  Life is beautiful.  I think I’ll have a spin while I work.

A tumultuous week is the best word that I can think of to describe this week so far.  Started at the new company on Monday, and what a remarkably different perspective of the corporate industry compared to my last experience!  It is still early days, but the “road signs” seem different at this company, the attitude is less ominous.  The people seem more real.  Perhaps just my imagination, or as I pointed out, just early days, but an example of a vast difference between the attitude at this new organisation and the one at my previous employer is on the first day, when on training, at lunch time the trainer and myself and fellow trainee left the room in which we were getting training.  Instinctively I asked where I could put my laptop for safe keeping.  Without thinking he replied, “Leave it here in the boardroom, it will be perfectly safe”.  A refreshing change.  At worst, I looking forward to enjoying the next four months, working in a non-threatening environment.

Students also wrote on Monday night, minor hitches but predominantly went off ok.  Stayed at campus till 22:30 and the marking will begin tonight. .  Another day half day of training followed yesterday, and then I rushed off to make a 2hr biking lesson.  I then also went to see a good old friend perform at the Artscape last night.  This morning started with proposal class again.  Proposal class went well this morning, I’m feeling more comfortable with the idea of attempting to analyse my own qualitative data.  We had a lesson in coding and talks on data validity and ethics.  I believe I know what to do, but in between all the other priorities I honestly dont know when I’m going to do it… bearing in mind I still have to finish my modified literature review/conceptual framework based on the renewed focal point of my research.

Then still, Bike licence test tomorrow

Team building and Bespoke meeting on Friday

SJMC big walk on Saturday and 

Satori trail run on Sunday……

Oh well, and on and on and on we go…

Today was a iffy weirdio shoop-dedoop snap crackle and pop kinda day.  It felt as crazy as the weather Cape Town’s currently experiencing.  First I didn’t sleep well, but I didn’t feel tired when I got out of bed and started writing a section on Pareto Analysis for the blog/stats text book.

Then I went to proposal class.  I got so-so feedback from my facilitator.  I’m so pleased with myself at how well I deal with feedback.  I remember feeling more sensitive when I started writing my Masters.  To see “red lines” and “comments” scrawled all over one’s work isn’t exactly the same as getting a surprise bunch of flowers from a friend, however you get used to it.  I have thicker skin now.  Not that Arona does the “red lines” or “the comments with 50 exclamation marks” proceeding them.  She’s really very sweet and very tactful.  I appreciate that.  

Research Design Day

Back on the Game Changer – I need to finalise a topic.  It’s not even funny.  I have to remind myself that it most probably will change anyway.  I need to find something that is good enough, even if it’s not great.  Today the focus of the course was on research design and I felt lost.  I really would like to do qualitative research, purely because I’ve never done it before.  It’s just critical I start forcing myself to commit.

So my plan is read up about Design Based Research.  It’s the buzz word in my course…that latest fad I believe, along with educational technologies.  Everyone it seems, just about everyone in my course want to do research related to educational technologies.  It appears I’m not such a trendsetter after all.  Oh well never mind that.  I will live.  My focus is sort of just wanting to get on with the job now – this time round I’m not aiming for a Cum Laude.

Then I managed to get my exam prep sorted (exam prep for my Stat 3 and Stats 4 students not my own exam!)  The question papers have been submitted and that’s one thing that’s nice to be able to tick off my to-do list.  Also much to my surprise I had a good stats lesson with my most difficult class this evening.  This particular class has a reputation among all the campus staff as a ‘difficult bunch’.  Every now and then – not often, but sometimes, I have a good class with them anyway.  That’s always just sublime.

Finally very happy news, I signed a four month contract today to work for a international pharmaceutical company as a….Drum roll….”Quality Assurance Consultant!  Oh my word, Shjoe.  It’s just a contract, but that’s what I studied all those years for.  Finally.  I’m having moment.  Bitter sweet.  Missing Robin.

Yep… a ffy weirdio shoop-dedoop snap crackle and pop kinda day.

If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants

A very powerful quote from the renowned Sir Isaac Newton directed at his rival Robert Hooke.  Humble, yet simultaneously confident.  A completely, totally and utterly inspiring sentiment.  And with that my journey begins.  Truthfully it started last week though, when I attended the first class of my CHEC course and I decided it’s time to start writing my PhD proposal.

This blog is my attempt to document my journey.  The focus is centered around the doctoral degree that I’ve set as my goal.  Good heavens I’m bold, stating it on such a public platform!  But why not hey.  You may ask ‘Why?’.  The only answer that comes to my mind is because it’s something I’ve never done before.  In my humble opinion that’s the darn-est good enough reason to do anything!